Can you think of a time when you were in conflict in a relationship and you found yourself being defensive? Did you feel like someone was criticizing, attacking, or trying to hurt your feelings and you had to protect yourself? When defensiveness in relationships arise ask yourself, “What am I defending?” In all cases, it’s some aspect of our own self-concept; some aspect or image of what we’ve identified with. The deeper you go into spirituality, you start to realize that however it looks on the screen of the world, you are only ever talking or listening to yourself. The ego feels it is lacking and incomplete, and so it looks at a relationship partner to fill that lack. It thinks it deserves love and it looks for a partner to fulfill that love. The ego is a belief in abuse and victimization and so, when you believe someone is hurting you, it’s just another opportunity to pluck the offense from your own consciousness. The problem is never anything other than a perceptual problem in one’s own consciousness, and accepting that is what leads to true Freedom.