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How can I overcome my feelings of shame around financial irresponsibility and debt?
Being a student of ACIM, I am aware of how giving your life to God is a serious undertaking. I seem now to be torn between really trusting God and wanting the trust of the world. I have debt that I owe and cannot right now pay back. It greatly distresses me because I want to make things right with the people I owe and I just don't have the money right now. I become scared that I will never get it paid back and will always wander under this burden of being a failure financially. I am really trying to be under no laws but Gods. And I am really aware of my true inheritance. I just want to be free. As I write this, I am getting a clear message that I am free; I am just going through a period of sorting out—and it's pretty uncomfortable. My irresponsibility in the finance department is one of shame and distress sometimes because my family was so successful. I do have great need of seeing this differently. I used to base all my hopes and dreams and visions of "success" in dollar signs. That is changing, but not completely. I still must see this as a way to measure my worth. My worth was established by God and I need to remember that. I have a long, long way to go spiritually. I am still looking at the two worlds. How do I resolve this? Can you help? I'm sorry to be a bother. I really need understanding.
Rest assured that a request from you is never a bother and that you never need to feel sorry for anything or apologize for anything. Our Worth is truly established by God and nothing that is said or made or done or undone can change Whom God created Perfect. Together we are questioning the ego belief system so that the Holy Spirit may reveal the Truth of our Identity in God. Your questions are sincere and there are beliefs about debt and responsibility that need to be uncovered and released. The fear of future consequences (ie., "I become scared that I will never get it paid back") is only a cover or distraction away from the fear of the Present Moment. The Present Moment is the Point of Intimacy with Christ and God, and nothing is so fearful to the ego as the Moment in which it is undone and dissolved away forever. This is another way of describing the resistance to extended and deep meditation.
It is Helpful to be reminded that financial debt and financial irresponsibility are only projections of the debt of ego belief and the denial of accepting the Atonement/Correction for the error (our SOLE responsibility). You are not responsible for the error, yet you will need to see the error exactly as it is (in mind) in order to accept the Correction, which is our responsibility. The cosmos was the ego's attempt at "seeing" the error in form, thereby concealing itself (the error) from being uncovered as merely a belief in the mind. The ego was made by false belief and is undone by withdrawing all belief from it. The ego is anger and guilt and fear and uses these emotions along with denial and projection to maintain these unreal emotions which keep the Light beneath it concealed from awareness. The Light is buried deep within and we must go through the darkness of false belief to reach the Light of truth (the Kingdom of Heaven within).
The ego (or Satan in Christian terms) is the belief that debt is possible. It is the belief that something is lacking, something is owed, and something needs to be paid back. Debt implies a repayment for something that was borrowed or taken away, yet in God there is only completion and Eternal Giving and nothing CAN BE borrowed or taken away. The belief in debt is the same as the belief in scarcity, and this belief has nothing at all to do with God—Who is All-Loving and All-Knowing and All-Powerful. The belief in debt needs only to be raised to awareness and forgiven or released, for debt has no reality on which to stand. The Holy Spirit is sorting out the true from the false in your mind, and you can rest assured that the ego and all its concepts of debt and economics and abundance and scarcity are false. Our Inheritance is Spirit and the Holy Spirit leads directly to the remembrance of Eternal Spirit and Divine Love.
As you perceive yourself in awareness "you" have needs, and if you are willing to be a miracle-worker you will increasingly recognize those "needs" as being handled through our Higher Purpose. All needs have already been dissolved in the Atonement/Correction, yet while the mind seems to invest in the ego belief system it will experience the illusion of debt. Miracles show that the mind is sustained by the Source of Love, God, and thus the mind is willing to relinquish all false concepts of sustenance. The mind asleep (everyone who seems to walk this world and believes in its reality) believes in the "laws" of economics, scarcity, supply & demand, and reciprocity. Miracles undo these false "laws" by demonstrating that the mind is not bound by them. It is impossible to serve two masters and it is therefore impossible to serve the ego AND the Holy Spirit because they teach opposite lessons. The ego teaches imprisonment/guilt/fear and the Holy Spirit teaches freedom/innocence/joy. Financial freedom is therefore a contradiction in terms, for freedom is of and for the mind and cannot be found in specific forms such as money and possessions.
The Holy Spirit is Guiding you surely. You can trust this because it is true. The ego is being undone in your awareness and "it" seems to feel "pretty uncomfortable,” "shame,” and "distress,” because "it" seems to be vanishing. It is always Helpful to be reminded that You are not the ego, Christ is not the ego, and Spirit is forever of God and is our True Identity in God. As you become more confident in allowing miracles to be performed through you it will dawn in awareness that mind is one and there is nothing apart from mind.
I am with you every "step" of the way, for we share the same Self. Salvation from illusion is certain because no illusion can stand in the Light of Truth. We walk together on the Self same road and must recognize our Oneness to remember God. There is literally nothing "else,” for Love is All.