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SearchAfter all my Course studies, why does Peace still elude me?
Question:
I have read ACIM all the way through at least twice, and peace of mind still eludes me. The odd thing is, people come to me and want to talk about ACIM because they like my understanding of it. How could I help someone else feel better when I'm so miserable myself? This shows me that a belief system and intellectual understanding mean squat! I have had the most wonderful experiences in meditation and during ACIM lessons, but the misery comes back. My problems seem to be centered on my relationships. Every love interest or relationship ends with heartache for me. I feel like I must be totally unlovable. Please talk to me. I am feeling very depressed right now. Why can't I feel peace of mind? Help Please!
Answer:
I am so grateful you opened up and shared what is on your mind. That is always a big first step in forgiveness and inner healing. To open and share with a brother is a symbol of your willingness to hide nothing from the Holy Spirit. When progress in meditation and peace of mind and inner fulfillment seems slow and frustrating and difficult, this is always a Call to go deeper within. There is a tremendous fear of looking within, for the ego has convinced the sleeping mind that God will punish those that have "left" Heaven. The ego's world is filled with distractions and fantasy goals to offer many substitutes and diversions from the dreaded looking within. Christ teaches in ACIM:
"To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral. Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make. For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that you believe." (T-24.in.2)
"This course will be believed entirely or not at all. For it is wholly true or wholly false, and cannot be but partially believed. And you will either escape from misery entirely or not at all." (T- 22.II.7.3)
These two ideas, taken together, give some indication of the deep desire and commitment necessary to delve inward to the base of the unconscious mind, if lasting peace is to be found. The Atonement, or Correction, is buried deep within under a cloud of guilt and unworthiness. The good news is that you are never alone and Help is always Given. There is a stage in the development of trust in which mighty companions appear in awareness. This is a stage of yielding to the deep desire to join in a common Purpose.
When you are tempted to give in to anger and depression just remember this: Trust would settle every problem right now. I have faith in You, Beloved of God. I hope to always be in contact. Know that I am always in prayer for your peace and sanity and happiness. You are never alone and isolated.
I love You!
David