Ego defenses minimize guilt without letting it go. People-pleasing is diluted guilt. There is another way. Follow guidance to authentically say “yes” and “no” from your heart, from your joy. Let Spirit speak through you. Spiritual companions will come to you. What we know about ego defense mechanisms is that they attempt to minimize fear and guilt without letting them go. So the underlying motive is to keep them, not get rid of them at all. Yet, to minimize them so that they are more tolerable. You can see how ingenious the defense mechanism is to minimize the intensity without letting go of what is underneath the intensity. This is so you stay trapped. Sometimes I use the example of someone coming and giving you a cup of lethal poison and you must drink from the cup. Before you do, you have one wish, but you still need to drink from the poison after the wish is made. Your wish is to mix it with something before you drink and so once the wish is granted, you throw the poison in the ocean and let it splash around awhile before you fill your cup from the ocean and drink.