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After recovering from cancer, I'm emotional roller-coaster and don't know what should I do with my "new life".
A year ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and have spent this past year undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments with all the subsequent side effects. A part of me now feels stronger and physically healthier than I have in years. So I'm wondering if I was given a second chance, and what I'm supposed to be doing with my life now. My husband has been my caretaker for this past year and is now drinking heavily and doesn't know how he fits in anymore, since I no longer need a caretaker. So our relationship does not seem close. I find it difficult to maintain a spiritual view of my life right now because my ego seems to be screaming at me about money, security, etc.—all the things necessary to survive in this physical world, but I'm just not sure where I fit in anymore. I appreciate your kind patience and any words of advice you may give.
Thanks for writing and sharing all that is on your mind. The "diagnosis" of illness can be viewed as a trigger to explore the mind much more deeply and with great sincerity. It is a time that the question "What is this for?" might be asked with attentiveness and willingness. With a deep desire of going within for answers this time can be one of earnest prayer and questioning all underlying beliefs.
Disease is of the mind, and all illness is mental illness. Sickness is always a wrong-minded decision, and the attraction to guilt must be exposed before it is seen that the wrong-mind has no value. You have a Purpose that will lead to Happiness, and this Purpose is what everything is for. This is the Purpose for your relationship with your husband and with everyone. The Purpose of forgiveness undoes the attachment to pride and the body and the world, and opens the way to Lasting Joy. It is emptying the mind of everything it thinks it thinks and thinks it knows, and thus looking upon the world anew. The old self-concept will seem to undergo many changes as unlearning progresses, and each change will yield an expanded view of the self. Yet forgiveness is the only self-concept, the only illusion, that reflects the Peace of God. A mind emptied of tiny self-concepts can grasp the last illusion, the illusion that is the end of error: forgiveness.
Now is the time of release. Nurture your new Purpose, for all security and safety is found in the Purpose the Spirit offers. The old purpose was the ego's attempt at "getting,” and the new Purpose involves giving freely as God Gives. In the past your husband and co-workers and clients and family and friends were strangers. The new Purpose will take the strangers in, as you see that deep down everyone wants to know the Love that is Real. Openly communicate what you are experiencing and hide nothing from the Light. Take the lid off of secrets and private thoughts, and see that they never meant anything at all. Share your deepest yearning (the desire to forgive and Awaken) with your husband, and be ready for a cascading flow of miracles. You are a miracle worker and will experience happiness and freedom in conjunction with your Spirit Given function. The thinking of the world has never offered lasting fulfillment, yet the new Purpose will lead to heights of Happiness.
Mind is One. Purpose is shared. Bodies cannot join, so make no attempt to "join" what was made as a symbol of separation and isolation. Share in the gentle laughter at the nothingness of the ego and its world as symbols are retranslated and perceptions unified. Nothing can hold one back from what the Spirit has appointed for a holy mind, for one is entitled to miracles. Use time to share miracles, and the need for time and unlearning is shortened beyond measure. Feel free to call on me, for we walk the Selfsame road and are together now. Nothing can hold one back from the Destiny everyone shares, for what God Wills is Perfect Happiness for the One created Perfect.