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I've tried to be the best Christian I could be, but I feel betrayed by God now and have lost faith... can you help?
I feel betrayed by God. As strange as that is to say, if I'm being completely honest, that is how I feel. I am new to your site and I truly believe there is a reason our paths crossed. I'm 32 and I was raised in a Baptist church. I bought into what I was taught about God and Christ. I believed that Jesus was raised from the dead and I believed that I was forgiven for all of my sins. I asked God to come into my life and to direct my path. For doing so, I expected to have peace of mind and happiness.
The older I get and the more disenchanted I become with my own life and the hope or possibility of me finding happiness and peace of mind, I feel as though I made a bad "deal." I feel as though I have been betrayed. Even though I have tried to be the best Christian I can be, God hasn't rewarded. Worst yet, it doesn't even feel as though God is there. I can't begin to tell you how awfully lonely that feels.
I have a counselor that I see regularly and we have discussed this in some depth. He tells me that my current view of God will only lead to more anger and resentment for me and that I need to change the paradigm in which I view God and faith. I agree with this completely but my problem is that I don't feel as though I can trust or put faith in God anymore.
I do believe that all the emptiness, loneliness, anger and resentment I feel could be resolved if only I could resolve this crisis of faith that I am experiencing. I'm reading this and I keep thinking what right do I have to feel betrayed by God. I know that I have been blessed and that there are those who are much less fortunate than I. Intellectually, I know this but in my heart, I feel so hurt and I just don't know what to do or where to begin.
Thanks for sharing what is on your heart. You are so precious and deserve to feel the Love that is buried beneath the hurt. Love is our Inheritance or Birthright. The ego (Satan in Christian terms) is a false identification, a mistaken identity, and the Purpose of our work with the Holy Spirit is to realize that the real Self is not the ego and remains forever the Perfect, Innocent Child of God in Spirit. The ego's feelings of betrayal run very, very deep as do the feelings of abandonment, loneliness, hurt, anger, emptiness and loss. The world was made by error so that God would NOT be discovered. It is indeed a profound step to ask God to come into one's life and direct one's path, yet as profound as this step is it is only the beginning. The entire cosmos was made from the belief that it is possible to be separate from God or "fall" from Grace. Forgiveness is the undoing or release of the original error and all the errors that seemed to follow.
Jesus was raised from the dead to demonstrate that sin or error has no power. You have received the reminder of our Sinlessness and Perfect Innocence, the Holy Spirit, and now you are Called upon to release every spot of error to the Light of the Holy Spirit within your Heart. Satan was the error that it was possible to leave God, and feelings of betrayal and resentment and anger arise from this unconscious error. Your counselor is offering a helpful suggestion by saying that you need to change the paradigm in which you view God and faith, for such is forgiveness. God is Perfect Love and Christ is a Perfect Creation. What needs to be forgiven is the belief that God had anything to do with the time-space cosmos of duality and multiplicity, of sickness, pain, suffering, and death. What God creates Eternal Spirit remains Eternal Spirit, and that which seems fleeting and temporal and transitory will fade and disappear.
The disenchantment and disillusionment you feel can be viewed in two ways. The ego would blame the feelings onto its "version" of God, an anthropomorphic view of a "god" of human concepts and traits who is "capable" of betrayal and abandonment. The Holy Spirit ever gently reminds that God is Spirit and Identity in God is Spirit. The Holy Spirit lovingly offers forgiveness as a replacement or Correction for dreams of anger and of pain. The mind is very powerful and the issue is never really an issue of faith or lack of faith—for what you put your faith in is the central decision. And every decision you make is a conclusion based on everything you believe, regardless if you are fully aware of what you believe. Satan is an unreal belief and while the mind invests in this belief then "sin" or error APPEARS to have reality and existence. Who You are in Truth is far beyond the "need" for forgiveness, yet the illusion of false identity must be forgiven or released that True Identity may be remembered.
Be happy and glad that you are beginning to see that there is no hope of peace or happiness in the appearances and forms of this world. Happiness and peace of mind are real and are found within as Christ teaches: "The Kingdom of Heaven is within." We are embarking together on what seems to be a journey within, and I assure you that happiness and peace of mind are inevitable and certain. I speak from the Perspective and the experience that this is the Truth right now. What is true for the One must be Totally Inclusive, for the Spirit God creates Includes Everything and therefore there is nothing apart from this Spirit. That Which is forever True (Spirit) is far beyond the need for forgiveness. God does not forgive, for God has never condemned, and yet there must have been an illusion of condemnation before forgiveness was necessary. The world is in need of forgiveness as long as you believe in its reality, for a world apart from God could never be. Awakening to Truth is the dawning of the realization that it is impossible to leave the Mind of God. Such is Salvation or Enlightenment.
I am joined with you in the Great Awakening. We cannot fail to remember Identity in God for illusions cannot veil the Truth. We shall rejoice together in God's Love, and in this experience of complete Rapture there is only Joy! God knows Spirit as One and there can be no "body" that is "more" or "less" fortunate in the Perspective of the Holy Spirit. Let Us give thanks to God for creating Spirit as One forever. Amen.
I Love You forever and ever,