Questions

All categories

← Back to main page

Through the Holy Spirit's eyes, what form would a marriage take? Would there still be physical expressions of intimacy?

Question:
It is quite an extraordinary journey with ACIM. It has quietly and surely gone about its business of undoing and healing my false belief system. It truly seems to be doing what it promises: changing my view of the world, others and myself. Most times I am really excited and grateful with the process and trust the Holy Spirit to do what needs to be done.

But I have been married for fifteen years and am starting to wonder what being married looks like or will look like from the HS perspective. Will we still be sleeping in the same bed? Do I still kiss her when I drop her off at work? Do we touch? If the goal is true communication, then why would sex, touching, hugging even be an option? Sex and intimacy have always been strong elements of who I believe I am and a real source of so called "love" for me.

In our groups I have always enjoyed the hugging aspect in the welcoming process. This has changed for me over time and now I don't need to touch or have a physical presence to join. I am also very aware that I don't want the same change of beliefs regarding my partner and wife. ACIM is now getting really close to home!

I have come to realize that I don't know how to be a good friend or how to be truly helpful. I don't know how to say hello or goodbye, and now, how to be a husband, partner, how to be in this so-called skin and bones. Is there a place for marriage when there is only One True Relationship? It feels like the foundation that marriage and everything else in this world has been based on is false.

Your comments and sharing are most welcome. My wife and I DO want to go all the way in Love, not fear. Thank you for being such a wonderful example and inspiration!

Answer:
Thanks for your sincere and heartfelt email and for pouring out what is on your mind and what you are experiencing. It is so beautiful and wondrous to actually shift from the ego's purpose to the Holy Spirit's Purpose, and this is now coming into awareness. Marriage is Union, and you are opening to the Union of Mind that is the Oneness of Christ. God's Love is Christ's Love and knows ItSelf as One. Agape Love is unconditional. There are not different kinds of Love, nor are there degrees of Love. This Enlightenment experience transcends the body entirely, and thus it transcends the concepts involved with the body (including concepts of interpersonal relationship and companionship). Past sensations and past associations had been held in mind with regard to the concepts of intimacy and union and companionship. Now you are approaching the Holy Instant, the Present Moment. In your work with "A Course In Miracles" you have at one time or another come across many passages that point toward transcending all body thoughts and entering into True Relationship. Here are a few examples:

"The presence of fear shows that you have raised body thoughts to the level of the mind. This removes them from my control, and makes you feel personally responsible for them. This is an obvious confusion of levels." (T-2.VI.1)

"Let nothing that relates to body thoughts delay your progress to salvation, nor permit temptation to believe the world holds anything you want to hold you back." (W-128.4)

"Perception did not exist until the separation introduced degrees, aspects and intervals. Spirit has no levels, and all conflict arises from the concept of levels." (T-3.IV.1)

"The Holy Spirit cannot teach through fear. And how can He communicate with you, while you believe that to communicate is to make yourself alone? It is clearly insane to believe that by communicating you will be abandoned. And yet many do believe it. For they think their minds must be kept private or they will lose them, but if their bodies are together their minds remain their own. The union of bodies thus becomes the way in which they would keep minds apart. For bodies cannot forgive. They can only do as the mind directs....The illusion of the autonomy of the body and its ability to overcome loneliness is but the working of the ego's plan to establish its own autonomy. As long as you believe that to be with a body is companionship, you will be compelled to attempt to keep your brother in his body, held there by guilt." (T-15.VII.11-12)

"You see the world you value. On this side of the bridge you see the world of separate bodies, seeking to join each other in separate unions and to become one by losing. When two individuals seek to become one, they are trying to decrease their magnitude. Each would deny his power, for the separate union excludes the universe. Far more is left outside than would be taken in, for God is left without and taken in. If one such union were made in perfect faith, the universe would enter into it." (T-16.VI.5)

"This is the function of your holy relationship. For what one thinks, the other will experience with him. What can this mean except your mind and your brother's are one? Look not with fear upon this happy fact, and think not that it lays a heavy burden on you. For when you have accepted it with gladness, you will realize that your relationship is a reflection of the union of the Creator and His Son. From loving minds there is no separation. And every thought in one brings gladness to the other because they are the same. Joy is unlimited, because each shining thought of love extends its being and creates more of itself. There is no difference anywhere in it, for every thought is like itself." (T- 22.VI.14)

"God's peace is recognized at first by just one thing; in every way it is totally unlike all previous experiences. It calls to mind nothing that went before. It brings with it no past associations. It is a new thing entirely. There is a contrast, yes, between this thing and all the past. But strangely, it is not a contrast of true differences. The past just slips away, and in its place is everlasting quiet. Only that. The contrast first perceived has merely gone. Quiet has reached to cover everything." (M-20.2)

In Awakening, first your perception will seem to expand and become all-inclusive. One relationship is every relationship. No one is excluded from the Family of God, the Family of Divine Mind. What once seemed limited and possessive and private and exclusive will fade and grow dim and disappear, replaced by wholeness. Being aware that Love is within and joined with the Holy Spirit, this Holy Spirit Perspective includes everything in mind and thus nothing is excluded or rejected. There are no "couples" or "congregations" in healed perception, for there is no duality or multiplicity in wholeness. True Companionship is Oneness with God, and this Relationship is in Spirit. The thought of bodies (who is with who, who broke up with who, who is attracted to who) was the past. Private "minds" with private "thoughts" was the ego's basis for its "interpersonal relationship." It is only possible to be in Love with All, for such is the All-inclusiveness of God's Love. Love has no opposite and cannot be broken apart into meaningless bits and pieces and parts.

There is a unifying Purpose that the Holy Spirit offers that is important to accept, and this Purpose stabilizes one's perception of the world and all seeming relationships:

"A common purpose is the only means whereby perception can be stabilized, and one interpretation given to the world and all experiences here. In this shared purpose is one judgment shared by everyone and everything you see. You do not have to judge, for you have learned one meaning has been given everything, and you are glad to see it everywhere. It cannot change you would perceive it everywhere, unchanged by circumstance. And so you offer it to all events, and let them offer you stability." (T-30.VII.4)

I am joined with you in accepting this Purpose. Accepting the Atonement is the sole responsibility, and Enlightenment is Certain. Many aspects of "interpersonal relationship" contained the ego's specialness or the "attraction to guilt." In "A Course In Miracles" it is explained: "It is impossible to seek for pleasure through the body and not find pain." (T-19.IV.B.12) The Holy Spirit undoes the sick attraction to guilt through the Joy of the miracle! Glory to God for the miracle Correction (Atonement) that dissolves fear and guilt and pain and offers only Blessings!

In Loving Kindness,
David