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“I just agree with everyone else so I never have to face the fear of being wrong!”

by Lilo

Here’s a question I suddenly asked myself one day, which really struck me;

“If I’m constantly modifying my behaviour, am I ever truly myself?”

I’ve been absolutely terrified to fall out of line. I believed if I did something not in accord with societal norm, I’d be laughed at, rejected or I wouldn’t be loved. I always believed the only way to experience total peace, love, and happiness was to make something of myself, to become better and better and better until I’ve created an image that was good enough. Therefore I needed to work hard, learn as much as I could, act a certain way, wear certain clothes and makeup to create my own special identity. Many rich, successful, and famous people admit they have always been miserable. So what is ever enough? When will I ever get “there”?

There’s a deep realization coming to the surface of my mind that the thoughts I think, that tell me I’m not perfect just the way I am, are not true! I’m deciding to throw those thoughts away and to live a life of purpose instead. But how do I do that?

Recently I saw very clearly in a direct experience, as long as I repress my thoughts I keep myself locked up and small. It’s a belief that I need to hide in order to not experience rejection.

On a call with my friend, I really felt like sharing what was going on in my mind but I was scared he would judge me and possibly not want to talk to me again. I decided not to be completely open and transparent with him. However immediately after the call, I burst into tears, absolutely strained by my own repression. I judged myself for being a coward and for wasting precious time. Then when I realized I had restrained myself, I called and told him everything that was going on in my mind even though I felt mortified. Surprisingly, he was quite happy and grateful for my honesty. I left that call feeling loved and feeling much closer to him and the Spirit within me.

By deciding to expose what I was really thinking, I chose not to hold onto the false beliefs in my mind, made up by the ego system, that were built out of hatred and separation. Anytime I hold back on certain thoughts, I am compromising my own worthiness and magnitude. I truly feel more open now and more expansive in my heart. I want to choose to be authentic and honest at all times to help me to remember the all-encompassing love within myself, which is available within each and every one of us. We can all practice this honesty by joining with those we trust. We can journal, meditate and use our Spiri chatbot to get in touch with the Spirit within. This is the way to ask for help and open up to see what we need to see and learn. I’m experiencing over and over again that it only takes a little willingness to ask for help and guidance in the moment. It is this willingness to look at my beliefs first and foremost where the true healing takes place.  

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