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When I have an upsetting experience with someone, does that person see the same "movie"?

Question: When I have an experience that is upsetting, like an argument or some conflict, it is like a film in my mind. Does the other person see that same "movie"?

Answer: All judgments are part of a personal, private mind. It seems as if some of these tapes are shared, but that is not the case. It is as if you are looking with blinders and making up everything that you are seeing. It could accurately be said that no two people are seeing the same world. For example, you may have ten eye-witnesses to an auto "accident,” but none will agree on the details. This is profound when you stop to think about it. It's why there is no peace in this world: because there is no universal agreement on perception.

Even if you ask a million people to tell you the color of the sky, you would need only one exception to prove that perception is not universal. Most will say the sky is blue, but several who are colorblind would disagree. The only way there can be peace and harmony is to see the world from the Holy Spirit's perspective. This is the perception that Jesus achieved by aligning his mind with Holy Spirit. In this perception there are no enemies. Everyone is seen as an equal and as one. This perspective makes no distinctions.

So in answer to your original question, when you are looking through the ego lens, you are seeing a private world that is entirely subjective, colored by judgments, and that cannot be shared with anyone else. From the ego's lens, arguments and conflict are inevitable. This is why even in the best human relationships, when two people seem to be dear friends or soul-mates, there will still be differences of opinion. Until the ego is undone completely, the relationship is used by the Holy Spirit to flush up unconscious beliefs so that they can be released to the Holy Spirit.

People usually enter into friendships and marriage to gain a stronger sense of intimacy and connection. The relationships may seem to have a positive goal. For example, the goal of marriage would be union, and the same with friendship. What A Course In Miracles teaches is that the only true union is at the level of the Christ mind, where the Creator and Christ are one. So we can say from this that a more practical goal for a friendship or marriage is the undoing of the ego. This is not usually in one's marriage vows! If you keep the undoing of the ego as the context for all your relationships, this will help your work with "A Course In Miracles." Those who work with the Course and expect all their relationships to improve immediately are often very disappointed. The Course helps take the cover off, exposing expectations and false beliefs, lots of people-pleasing mechanisms that are built into the relationship. So if we use relationships as a topic, this can help us approach a deeper understanding of forgiveness.

Love, David