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I lost my son years ago but wonder how I would have handled it today.
I lost my son eight years ago. I didn't ask God to take myself instead of him, but just let things happen. Then when I started studying the Course, I questioned myself as to what I would have done if it happened today, how I would have acted differently.
It is a common mechanism of the ego to ask ourselves how me might have done something differently. This goes at the basic premise of the hypothetical; as if things could be different than they are. As you begin to see that cause and effect are together, you see that everything that seemed to happen was part of a prearranged script.
When the mind seemed to separate from God, it projected out a giant cosmos with many, many scripts, many scenarios, many stories, and the Holy Spirit was given in a single, simultaneous instant that solved the whole problem. All of the scripts and stories of the world are all the past. This is unlike the linear version that the ego teaches, which is divided into past, present and future, where it seems that some scripts and stories are past and some are yet to come. So the mind that is seeing it this way is still trying to pull the past into the present, reliving memories and stories over and over as if they are still going on. But the Holy Spirit sees that they've all been solved.
There is always anxiety and worry when we deny that it is all past. Then you get into the realm of the hypothetical: What if I could have... Perhaps if I hadn't... on and on, the mind goes around and around. The ego has a lot of hypothetical scripts, a fearful imagination, but once you begin to see that everything that seems to happen in the world is just a reflection of your thoughts, you find that when you are without fear, there is no threat or danger that is possible.
The ego believes in the hypothetical. Your insurance agents believe in hypotheticals! Your doctors believe in hypotheticals, so you find doctors telling patients how long they have to live. You find insurance agents saying how many policies you must have to be secure, and you find that all of the world of busy-ness is based on hypothetical thinking.
The miracle is not hypothetical. It lets you see the false as false. It's really that simple. When you get into the miracle, it is as if you were watching a play in which you see that all the actors play their parts perfectly. It is only the ego that divides the story up and says it does not like this part or that part. It decides which ones are the victims and which ones are the victimizers, but God has nothing to do with a script where there can be victims or victimizers. The Bible teaches that all things work together for those that love the Lord. In A Course In Miracles Jesus says all things work together for good and there are no exceptions, except in the ego's judgment. So all hypothetical scenarios are just fearful imaginations. We could never have done anything different than what seemed to happen. And with this there is peace.