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I am afraid of people and stuck in isolation... please help.
Question: I have been reading ACIM on and off since 1995, but it's only since 2 months ago that I started to put the lessons and reading text into a daily routine, mostly out of desperation. You seem to have a real handle on the principles of ACIM, like you are really, truly living it. What was your life like before ACIM, and how is it different now? Was there some negative circumstance that brought you to ACIM first?
I really don't know how to help myself anymore, because I feel like my own worst enemy. I have felt like something is "wrong" with me since childhood. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to study the Course every day and still on some level be resisting its teachings. Do I just keep studying the Course and hope that someday it will work on me? Or is there something more I need to do? I am afraid to take action. I am afraid to reach out to people. The longer I live in isolation, the harder it gets. I feel like I am really missing the boat here, just not getting it. Any insights you could offer me would be greatly appreciated.
Answer: Thanks for pouring your heart out and sharing your thoughts, for not protecting them is a big step toward healed perception. The willingness to ask for Help is a reflection of the desire for healing. I came to the Inner Voice for God long before ACIM came into my awareness, and now I experience Life as Oneness with God and All. The Principle of Love is Alive Now as a State of Being! Initially the Holy Spirit used the contrast between fear and love as a way of showing that there must be a better way than the past seemed to offer. As the willingness to follow as Guided seemed to grow in strength, the happy lessons of forgiveness followed and link in a circle of Atonement. In Atonement Now I am aware that the separation and the story never happened. Love simply Is.
First it is important to be open to the idea that it is impossible not to know God's Will for Perfect Happiness. Hesitation offers nothing. Delay is futile. Love is inevitable. You have gifts to give over to the Holy Spirit to use for Awakening. It will increasingly seem more and more impossible not to use these talents for the Glory of God. Anything that does not Glorify the Creator is a wisp of illusion that will pass away from awareness.
Open your heart to allow the Holy Spirit to make contacts for you, and bring holy witnesses into your awareness. The path will be rich with holy encounters and opportunities to brighten your attitude. Simplify your world as a reflection of the desire to simplify your thoughts and align with the Holy Spirit. Take time to read and practice ACIM and do the Workbook lessons. Let it be a path of devotion. You are not alone, for God goes with you everywhere you seem to go. The Presence of God is unmistakable for a willing mind and thankful heart.
The illusion of isolation will begin to fade in awareness as you trust the Holy Spirit with each small step you take. You have taken a big step by writing this email. Your seeming "problem" is not private anymore, for you have opened it up to the Holy Spirit. All of the legions of angels await your tiny nod of willingness to spring into action on your behalf. Jump in, for Love is the "safety net" underneath the seeming leap, and the Holy Spirit will surely carry you through the darkness to the Light! No one can fail who seeks to reach the Truth.
Blessings raining down, David