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I feel concerned about the direction of my life, career-wise, and in relationships? Can you help?
Question: I am in a state of concern for the direction of my life, career-wise, on a personal level and in relationships. Career-wise, I am applying for various positions, not really knowing which direction to throw myself. I am also contemplating writing a book, which I have been wanting to do for a long time, about self-discovery.
On a personal level, I'm on ACIM Lesson 105: God's peace and joy are mine. I still have trouble or resistance to sitting down and quieting my mind enough to hear and feel the messages of the Holy Spirit. I know that I am still holding on to past hurt and I keep handing it over to HS and am still affected by it.
And, in relationships, I am having a hard time being real with others; telling exactly what I think instead of being a people-pleaser. I realize that this is so, in a way, because I am still not real with myself; some things I really do not like about myself. For instance, how I try to manipulate my environment in order for it to respond the way I want it to, but it doesn't always respond the way I want.
Another thing that has been preoccupying me is the whole notion of giving and receiving. I want to do my part in the illumination of the planet and do not know what that is. I don't even know who I am. I am starting to see giving and receiving in a different light along with ACIM teachings. I am now seeing that if I am fearful and filled with judgment on myself and others then that is what I perceive and experience from within and from my environment. And if I have loving thoughts about myself and others (which does not happen very often), then that is what I am giving to the universe and am thus experiencing. I thank you, in advance for your guided response and pray that this response will be heard, listened to and felt by me, and that I will be open and receptive enough to allow for this experience to pierce through the clouds of worry, illusions that hide the Truth within.
Answer: The Holy Spirit is Guiding you steadfastly inward toward our shared Purpose, and past goals and pursuits that will no longer serve you on your path. The most important question to ask about the perceived aspects of your experience (ie., career-wise, on a personal level, and in relationships) is "What is it for?" What is the Purpose of a career? What is the Purpose of the persona or mask I hold up to please others? What is the Purpose of relationships in my world? What is the Purpose for the book I want to write? These questions are helpful in exposing the ego belief system because they aim at discovering the underlying beliefs which motivate all behavior.
Everything in this world of form seemed to have a different purpose or function. Therefore purpose did not seem unified and there appeared to be a variety of goals. Such was confusion. Such was complexity. Such was the past. Such was all the perceived hurt. This was the world which seemed to arise in the darkened glass of ego perception. Awakening to the Holy Spirit's Perspective (Now) requires a willingness to apply the same Purpose to every seemingly separate aspect of perception: every thing and every one and every situation. Peace of mind comes from holding a single Purpose in mind, for it is single Purpose that unifies perception. Fragmented, distorted perception came from multiple desires and goals. The ego used the body and world for pride, for pleasure, and for attack. The Holy Spirit sees the body and world as temporary devices for unlearning every concept in which the sleeping mind believes, emptying the mind of false belief, and making way for the Perspective Which perceives a forgiven world.
In Awakening it becomes apparent that the ego had no unified goal or purpose. The ego was a mistaken identity. It sought to preserve itself, yet the "self" it perceived was ever changing, insecure, and had a deep sense of unworthiness. With Awakening comes the awareness that Spirit is not the ego. The ego "self" was not real for it was not created by God and thus had no basis or foundation. The ego could have been described as the belief in death, for to believe that it was possible to make a self apart from the Self God created Perfect was to believe in death. The miracle shows that since the ego had no real effects it also had no existence. It takes faith in miracles to demonstrate the unreality of the ego and the world. Where the darkness seemed to be, there is now a miracle. And as you allow the miracle to radiate through you it becomes apparent that the dreamer of the dream is not at the mercy of the dream. It dawns in awareness that the purpose for the dream has changed from death to forgiveness. The Holy Spirit's Perspective now sees that all things work together for good, for that which is whole remains whole.