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Why are sexual relationships so seemingly complicated?
Question: I have been reading "A Course in Miracles" for six months and am also doing the lessons in the workbook. When I received this book I knew that the words within its covers were meant to be read by me, and its message resounds clearly with the light within.
However, I am particularly confused about the area of sexuality at the moment. I find myself in a situation where I have begun a sexual relationship with a married man who is also sexually involved with my friend, who lives in the same house as me. This *appears* to be a particularly complicated situation, with a man who is now sexually involved with three different women and married to one of them. It is very hard to believe that there is no judgment placed upon me for getting involved in such a situation. I am also finding it difficult to maintain a friendship with my housemate when we are both involved with the same man.
As the Course is all about relationships, I am sure that this is a gift to all of us involved in this strange situation, but at the same time, I consider the possibility that I am just deluding myself into believing that I want something other than the truth. I would be so grateful to hear some words from you brother.
Answer: Thanks for sharing what is on your heart. The ego is flushed up and exposed in relationships, and aligning with the ego brings illusory experiences of pleasure and pain. Distorted miracle impulses reach awareness as cravings, and in this regard, sexual cravings are the same as cravings for food, drink, temperature, stimulation, etc. Cravings always involve lack and preferences, and the miracle leads past this distorted perception of the world. As the ego belief system is questioned and exposed and released, the "lens of lack" is cleared of all obstacles to peace. When this happens, miracle impulses are experienced directly in awareness as Love and Calls for Love. Wholeness and completion are the natural characteristics of the mind, and the miracle returns these characteristics to awareness.
Complexity is always of the ego. The ego uses relationships for gratification and the ego, being impulsive and unstable, has no conception of commitment. Commitment to a monogamous interpersonal relationship is a step that the Holy Spirit can use (as with any commitment or discipline) to open the mind to the sole or ultimate commitment that one can make: accepting the Atonement or Awakening to God's Love. I have referred to the ego's purpose for relationships as "dixie cup relationships." The ego seems to throw its relationships away once it seems to get what it thinks it wants and moves on to the next relationship for another drink. Simultaneous sexual relationships, or "open" relationships as they have been called, seem to add to the complexity. A monogamous interpersonal relationship can offer a full plate of opportunities to expose and forgive the ego, and the undoing of the ego (forgiveness) is the only Purpose for all relationships. The ultimate realization (Self-realization) is the recognition that Creator and Creation share the same Spirit of Love. At best all perceptual relationships reflect the Love of God, and this Agape Love inspires forgiveness and miracles.
The Holy Spirit Guides surely. Simplicity is of God, and the illusion of complexity is the error to be forgiven.
Love always, David